


Training

by poppypickford



Series: Subspace [3]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, BDSM, Bondage, Cock Cages, Discipline, Dom/sub, Established Relationship, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sex Club, Spanking, Subspace, Training, let's give these poor guys a happy ending shall we?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-06-06 03:23:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6736039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppypickford/pseuds/poppypickford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking back on things, Mike realizes that if he ever wants to be worthy of his Dom, he'd better get his fucking act together. Meanwhile, Harvey seeks a little retraining of his own. </p><p>The "Subspace" verse conclusion, in which Harvey and Mike reunite and find each other a little bit different than they remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> __  
> **This is the third and final part of the "Subspace" verse. If you have not read "Subspace" or "Malpractice", I would strongly suggest doing so as "Training" will not make sense as a stand alone. I mean it, you really are going to be lost, so hop on over and dig into all the juicy drama that comes before this!**  
>   
> 
> _WARNING: This is an unfinished fic, which means that update times will not be consistent. The best thing you can do if you love the series is to send me love, encouragement and *cough* ideas. No really, send me ideas! I'd actually love to know what you want to see happen here. It might not change what I have planned, but there are a few places where some unexpected inspiration might come in handy._
> 
>  
> 
> _I really hope you love what's ahead, my lovelies. I am so excited to share with you the finale of our little saga. Which reminds me - HOW did you survive "Malpractice", you maniacs?! I just re-read it for the first time in almost a year and I swear, it was the most out of body experience. That orgy of angst is only for the major leagues, isn't it? Well, don't worry, although I can't resist a little drama, I certainly have a much more upbeat experience planned for you._
> 
>  
> 
> _ENJOY!_

_Monday June 16th - Berkeley, California_

When Mike steps out the front door on Monday morning for his run he nearly trips over the package sitting on his doorstep. It’s wrapped in plain brown paper with a white envelope taped to the top. He looks up and down the street before picking it up and carrying it to the kitchen. He fingers the envelope with a fluttering of excited suspicion, before peeling it off and unfolding the card inside.

_Wear this.  
\- Harvey_

Biting his lip, Mike stares down at the package. Hesitantly, he unwraps the paper and lifts off the lid. At the sight of what lay inside, Mike blushes as desire flip-flops in his belly.

It’s a cock cage. A very expensive and very _pretty_ cock cage. Mike picks it up gingerly and rolls the surprisingly light device across his palm. Unlike most cages, this one isn’t bound by thick metal bars or intersecting mesh. It’s elegant and handcrafted. Bespoke. A swirling mosaic of glistening ebony laced with white gold. Mike holds it up to the light. It’s _stunning_. Gently, he unhooks the tiny lock from the top and looks back in the box for a key. Frowning, he shakes the box, turns it upside down, and even unfolds the cardboard at the bottom thinking it might have slipped underneath. Looking down again at the open padlock, understanding flushes over him and an excited chill creeps up his spine.

He has to take a long cold shower to calm down enough to actually get the thing on. Lying naked on his bed, Mike tries not to think of _anything_ while slipping it over his now flaccid cock and inserting the padlock into a tiny fastener at the top. With clenched eyes he silently repeats _trust him, trust him, trust him_ before taking the lock in hand and pushing it closed. It makes a satisfied clicking sound. 

Mike exhales shakily and looks down. It’s not the first time he’s worn a cock cage, but then Harvey never favored them. Occasionally he’d put Mike in one for the afternoon and smirk while watching him grumpily cook breakfast, but a little begging and sweet submissive kisses was usually enough to get it removed. As a punishment, a cock cage had only been used once. However, at the time Mike was feeling too miserable and guilty to be aroused, so the cock cage was more of an annoyance than a punishment. It wasn’t more than a day before Harvey broke down and laughed at the “kicked puppy” look on his face and took it off.

So, with a trembling finger, Mike touches his confined genitalia and shutters at the odd sensation of cold metal against skin. He lays there, breathing heavily, overwhelmed with a strange far away desire that he knows he can’t take hold of. Looking at his running clothes now piled on the floor, he rolls his eyes and sighs. Well, _that’s_ not happening.

 

That night, despite the heat, Mike wears sweatpants and a baggy cardigan like armor to the club. Anyone who so much as glances at him on the bus makes him blush as if they’re looking straight through his clothes at his intimate accessory. He thought about canceling his or calling Harvey for some instruction, some encouragement or confirmation beyond “wear this”, but he held himself back. After weeks of yearning to talk to his Dom, Mike suddenly doesn’t know what to say. Besides, if Harvey didn’t want Mike to keep his club appointment, he would have said something, wouldn’t he? Harvey knows he has a standing arrangement on Monday and Thursday evenings. He’s the one who set it up that way. So if Harvey wanted Mike to change something, or call him, he’d have said. Right?

After seeing Harvey in the farmer’s market yesterday, Mike contemplated his options. He could A) do what he wanted and run needy and desperate to Harvey’s side, or B) do what he’s been practicing all year and remain calm, collected, focused and obedient. He would find an appropriate time to confess his attraction for Gabe and then let Harvey instruct him from there. He wants Harvey to see him as matured and devoted. He wants this period of independence to count toward something - an inner peace and confidence in himself and his choice of partner. He doesn’t want to be the scared, needy Sub he was before. He wants Harvey to truly understand that he needs him by _choice_ , not desperation. He knows, despite it all, that leaving Harvey for Berkeley made his Dom doubt him - doubt he sees him as worthy, and now Mike has just under three weeks to convince him otherwise. 

At the club’s front desk the receptionist looks him over with a frown. Blushing, Mike leans in and explains his _situation_.

“And the thing is,” he whispers. “I really don’t want anyone, you know, touching me. _Down there_. I’m new at this and it’s hard enough as it is.”

She grins, her professionalism the only thing keeping her from winking. “Give me a minute. I’ll see who you’re booked with.”

Mike wraps the cardigan tighter around himself and smiles awkwardly at the other Sub in the waiting room. He curls up into one of the leather chairs, his thighs carefully guarding his oversensitive groin.

“Mr. Ross, you’re with Nathan Griggs tonight,” she says. “And he’s agreed to your terms. Please join him in room two.”

Mike sighs in relief and stands, the anxiety slipping right off him. This time, the receptionist does wink.

 

Nate is removing his tie when Mike walks in.

“Hey beautiful,” he says with a smile. The pet name would bother Mike on anyone else’s tongue, but Nate is special. From day one there was a mutual understanding that sexual attraction was, if not absent between them, then lacking. Nate is small for a Dom and missing the seriousness that makes Harvey’s dominance so arresting. He’s a jokester with a talent for flattery. Their scenes are not particularly sexual, yet physical modesty isn’t allowed with Nate, and surprisingly, Mike likes that about him. There’s nothing to hide here and Mike has never found reason not to trust him. The grueling work some of the other Doms put him through to get Mike ready for his his July deadline are not part of what Nate does. He’s not interested in training. All he’s looking for is fun and companionship.

Nate takes Mike’s coat and hangs it in the wardrobe. “Okay,” he says, “I’ve got to see this.” Mike smiles as he peels off his clothes, wincing as his underwear come down over his caged cock.

Leaning over to get a better look, Nate whistles. “Gorgeous. You’re a lucky boy.”

Mike fidgets, unsure of what to do with his hands. “Sometimes Harvey is too extravagant.”

“Well, don’t complain about that,” Nate remarks as he goes back to undressing down to his boxers and undershirt. “Have you thanked him yet?”

Mike frowns. “No. Should I?”

_“Yes.”_

“Oh.”

“Did he say what it’s for?” He’s leaning back on the bed with a newspaper in hand. “I mean, a cock cage can mean a lot of things. You’d know better than me what your Dom intended.”

Mike hasn’t been given permission to move, so he stands in the middle of the room with hands on hips. “I have no idea, he didn’t say anything in the note. All I know is that he has the key.” He looks down and sighs.

“And that doesn’t excite you?”

“It does. Obviously. I mean, I haven’t seen him in months and the first thing he does, before even kissing me, is put this on me,” he gestures with exasperation to his groin. “It’s all I can think about.”

Nate grins, opens the newspaper and crosses his ankles. “I think you have your answer right there, beautiful. Now come lay beside me while I read. I promise not to touch.”

Mike moves as elegantly onto the bed as possible, even if Nate doesn’t look up to notice. A little practice can’t hurt. “You can touch me, I just meant not… well, you know, down there.” He lays out on the mattress and stretches all the kinks in his back before taking the time to stare down and allow himself to think about Harvey. Even with Nate’s arm around his shoulders, all Mike can feel is the hard, constant pressure, simultaneously stroking and confining. He’d never thought of a cock cage as being so representative before. It couldn’t be a gift _for_ Mike, as he’s never shown any particular interest in these things. And it’s probably not about Harvey decorating him, although that is something Harvey would do. He’s usually more concerned with dressing Mike up; buying him nice clothes and getting him expensive facials and cologne and stuff. Harvey likes to pamper him and show him off, but he’s never been the type to decorate him so _intimately_. Harvey’s toys are functional and high-quality, not flashy. The only thing Harvey ever bought Mike with this much craftsmanship was -

Mike sits up and leans down to take a closer look, but no matter which way he leans he cant find it.

Nate is laughing above him. “What are you doing?”

“I need to find the maker’s mark, but I can’t get close enough.”

Nate puts a hand on Mike’s back. “Shall I?”

“Do you mind?”

Rolling his eyes, Nate leans down over Mike’s lap with narrowed eyes. “Nothing here. You’ll have to turn over.”

Mike blushes as he rolls to his stomach and spreads his legs. After a couple seconds, Nate makes an interested sound. “Found it. It’s Spanish or something.”

Mike’s stomach does a little flip flop. “Villalobos?”

“Yeah, that’s it. Does that mean something to you?”

Mike smiles from ear to ear, his jaw practically straining from the effort. “It’s the designer of my collar.”

“What? This one?” Nate taps on the simple leather training collar.

“No. My _real_ collar.”

 

When Mike returns home feeling lazy and optimistic, he finds Gabriel on the doorstep holding a takeout bag.

“How long have you been sitting there?”

“Not long. I was craving Chinese so I thought I’d see if you wanted some.”

He’d been planning to telephone Harvey just as soon as he got home, but - he looks up at Gabriel’s bright open smile. That can wait an hour or two.

“Yeah, sure. I’m starving actually.”

After sitting cross legged on Mike’s couch for two hours, talking, laughing and failing to eat properly with chopsticks, Gabriel cleans Mike’s dishes and leaves with nothing but a friendly hug at the door.

“We should do this again soon,” he says. “I had fun.”

Once alone, Mike checks the time to be sure Harvey will be awake, before stripping down and laying across his bed. He’s holding the phone in one hand and Harvey’s new number in the other. He closes his eyes and thinks of everything he’s learned, the changes he wants Harvey to notice in him, and then, with one final exhale, he dials.

There’s a brief pause when the other line picks up. “Mike.”

He smiles, warmed by his Dom’s voice. “Hello, sir.”

“I thought I might hear from you sooner,” Harvey says without much warmth. Not cold, per say, but he’s missing the sunny inflection Mike heard in his Dom’s voice the day before. 

“Was I wrong to wait? I wanted the time to fully,” he sighs intentionally, “ _appreciate_ your gift.” He runs a hand down his body and writhes. Even though Harvey can’t see him, he’s learned the power of vocal stimulation and seen it work first hand on some of the most controlled Doms. “Thank you, sir. It’s beautiful.”

“I’m sure it looks beautiful on you.” Harvey sounds entirely in control.

“I hope you’ll be pleased with me. I want to look good for you.” Mike rubs his hands down over each thigh, careful not to touch what lay in between. “I’ve missed you,” he says on exhale. He listens closely for the sounds of pleasure, some indication that Harvey is turned on - that Mike’s performance is making some impact, but the other line is frustrating silent. So Mike decides to up the ante. “I’ve been thinking about you,” he says. “I think about your belt, the way it feels against my back, the hot sting. I fantasize about it,” Mike’s cock swells against it’s restraints until he’s hissing in pain. “ I think about your hands on me, your fingers, your,” he groans for real this time, his body catching up with his own words and flushing with arousal, “tongue inside me.”

Mike is panting, the blood pulsating through his body with nowhere to go but his head. Considering how overwhelmed he is from what was supposed to be an exercise in arousal, his Dom is surprisingly silent. “Harvey?”

“That must be painful.”

“Ye-yes, sir.” Mike cringes at his stutter. He’s been trying to train that little flaw out to of his speech. Apparently he’s failed.

“Mike, have you thought about why I gave you a cock cage?”

Mike bites his lips and crinkles his nose. “As a reminder?”

“Of what?”

He almost says something stupid like I don’t know. It’s something he’s been working on in training - how to stop and think about the things he says before opening his mouth. 

“Think, Mike.”

“Well. Well, of you, sir. I haven’t felt your hand on me in months. And even if this isn’t you at least it came _from_ you and at least I’m doing this _because_ of you.” He clears his throat to disguise the tremors, surprised by his own exasperation. “By the way, I figured out why it looks so familiar.”

The line is silent for a few beats. “I know a good craftsman when I find one.”

“Is that the only reason?”

Harvey says nothing for so long Mike thinks he’s hung up. “You’ll have your next instruction tomorrow at 8am.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Make me proud.” Then, with a click, he’s gone.

 

After the first couple months on his own Mike eventually developed what can only be described as a protective mental shield. A shield he needs to feel safe and protected in a way he hasn’t since leaving Harvey. Without the constant comfort his dominant used to provide, Mike has allowed independence to wash over him, he takes energy from it, learns to think of Harvey as an abstract thing - important and precious but far away.

At first Mike misses him desperately, but quickly realizes that missing someone so fiercely is going to distract him from the critical and unavoidable things in his new life, like school and eating. Living without Harvey was something he chose of his own freewill, and while not without cause, he still has to develop strategies to deal with it. Fortunately, with a brain like his there are tools in place for desperate measures.

Mind made up, Mike sat down one day, closed his eyes and began the painful process of pushing everything back and building up a barrier around it. Not the memories of Harvey himself, those he wants in easy reach. No, it’s the emotions attached. Those feelings of dependence, attachment and need. All the things that make Mike’s body chemistry weak. Too weak, ultimately, to make it through an entire year without his Dom. The club, while useful in keeping Mike’s physical and mental health in check, proves to be a terrible alternative to the emotional support he’d come to depend on. Some Subs can find it with temporary partners, but Mike… well, now that Mike knows what it’s like to be loved, _really_ loved, he’s not fooled by the fake stuff.

It’s just better to close those feeling up. Put them in a drawer and lock it. Someday it’ll be safe to dig them out again. But for now, things are starting to feel normal. So normal in fact that Mike has almost forgotten about that carefully protected and delicate corner of his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

_April 6th - Oxfordshire, England_

Harvey leans out the window and slides his sunglasses down his nose to look out at the intimidating stone house. They’d driven nearly two hours outside of London before reaching the dirt road that would take him to Darby’s _estate_. For the last ten minutes there has seemed to be not a structure or person in sight, just rolling green hills and a spattering of wooded glens. 

“You have posh friends,” the cab driver says with a chuckle as he too looks up at the towering three-story facade, covered on each side with blossoms and ivy.

“He’s not a friend, he’s… my employer.”

The driver snorts and shakes his head. “What I wouldn’t do for your job, mate.”

Thinking how much Harvey would give to trade places with the disheveled Dom driving his cab right about now, he counts out the fee from his wad of foreign currency and hands it over. With just one small suitcase Harvey stands looking at the double doored entrance, overcome with dread as the car pulls down the drive. If he could back out now, he would, but he got up the nerve to come this far, which was no small task. The humility it took to arrange this was a blow to his ego, to be sure, but turning and running when the man is expecting him - that would be no less than a personal and professional embarrassment.

Taking a deep breath, he steps forward and rings the bell. The chimes echo through the interior and within moments he can hear muted voices. The wait is longer than he’d expect, but just when he thinks he might have to ring again, the door opens hesitantly.

To his surprise, instead of finding Darby, a housekeeper or even a fucking butler by the looks of this place, he’s greeted by a small Sub, no more than five-two, eighteen years old if he’s a day, who stands gripping the handle and looking determinately at the floor. He’s entirely naked, exposing a slightly plump abdomen and round hip. _Baby fat_ , Harvey thinks with a frown. He’s still knobby kneed with disgracefully bad posture. His shoulders slump forward and his body shakes with nerves as his hands fiddle with untamed energy. Harvey looks him over, not a clue what to say, especially since the urge to put him on his knees and talk out his discomfort would obviously be inappropriate in the foyer of his boss’s mansion. 

“Excellent job, Peter. Very good indeed.” Harvey looks up to find Darby standing at the bottom of the stairs, back straight, all of his attention focused on the young Sub who is now hurrying over to him. When Peter is close enough, Darby puts a hand on his shoulder and strokes him like a skittish horse.

“You’ve been a good boy, and you looked beautiful. I’m very pleased.” The boy exhales and his whole body relaxes, all evidence of the nervous wreck he’d been moments ago dissolving from his frame. “Please take Mr. Specter’s things upstairs and wait for me there. You’ll be rewarded soon.”

Peter nods and turns to pick up Harvey’s overnighter and suit bag. As he approaches, Harvey can spot the little smile blossoming on his freckled face.

“Harvey, I’m glad to see you.” Darby steps forward to shake his hand. “I’m thrilled we were able to arrange this before you get to your,” he looks up with a smile, “well, _our_ work in London.”

“Yes,” Harvey agrees as Edward strolls, hands folded in front of him, to a sitting room off the entrance. It’s a cozy room. In fact, the house is much warmer than he’d expected. Traditional, with soft brown leathers and a thick area rug, but also modern, with clean lines, cool accents and bright light through the windows. It’s surprisingly simple to feel at ease here, considering.

Darby sits back in a wide seated chair - one that would snuggly accommodate two, Harvey can’t help but notice. He gestures to a low backed couch across from a tea service that has already been laid out. Darby leans forward with a humph and prepares them each a cup.

“Normally it’s Scottie’s job to serve tea,” he says. “I’m not nearly as pretty as she is, but I get the job done.”

Mention of Scottie still gives him an unwelcome lurch of emotion, but it’s nowhere near as painful as it had been before. Scottie’s apology hadn’t seemed like much in the moment, but her humility and thoughtfulness has warmed him over time. Working for Darby means that Scottie is an unavoidable acquaintance, and if there’s one thing Harvey prides himself on, it’s the generosity to know when a Sub has found their contentment. And yet it’s exactly _that_ , he thinks with a much sharper pain, that would destroy him should Mike not return. He refuses to believe that he might not be what’s best for Mike because he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that Mike is _his_.

“I’m sorry she couldn’t be here,” he says as if the condition of Scottie’s absence hadn’t been discussed at length before Harvey would agree to a consultation. “She and Marcus are in Amsterdam visiting his parents for the week. I couldn’t go, unfortunately, as Peter is still so new.”

Scottie, although not the sore subject she used to be, is still the _last_ person he would allow himself to be this vulnerable in front of. The fact that Harvey has come to a point where he will agree to let Darby see his greatest weaknesses still astounds him. 

Over email they’d agreed that Harvey would consent to a _consultation_. It’s a word Harvey suspects is nothing more than a placeholder to make Doms more comfortable with the service Darby truly provides - _training_. When he really thought about it, his father had spent a week observing the technique of a great-uncle, which was nothing in comparison to his grandmother who often spoke of the more traditional three months of grueling Dom training she completed before being allowed her first Sub. Times were different and Harvey knows his own generation is the first to dismiss training as passé. What with state mandated sex-ed and the internet, Doms and Subs alike have a wealth of resources at their disposal.

Whenever Harvey starts to feel like a failure, or begins to feel that his pride is being tested, he remembers his grandmother and her lifelong Sub who relied so completely on her that he lived for only two weeks after her passing. Now, he’s not saying her training was the key. But she understood something about dominance that Harvey does not, and he’s determined to look for that wisdom wherever he can. Mike deserves better than the unobservant and mistake riddled Dom he’s become - constantly trying and failing to make them happy. 

If Mike is seeking improvement, so will Harvey.

Harvey takes a cup of tea from his new boss with a tight grin and holds it against his knee as it cools.

“Speaking of Peter. What did you think?”

Harvey blinks, confused. “He’s young.”

“Yes,” Darby drawls. “He certainly is. I received him on his eighteenth birthday. It was quite sweet actually, his training was a gift from his parents.”

“A _gift_?” Harvey asks incredulously. “That’s hard to swallow.”

He shakes his head. “No really. Indeed it was. I very rarely take on eighteen year olds these days, and when I do I usually pass the brunt of their training off to Marcus. The young are far too much trouble. And besides, the older I get, the less,” he grins as he leans back and crosses his legs, “ _motivated_ they are to succeed.”

Harvey snorts.

“But Peter’s quite unique. I’ve taken him completely under my wing. He’s been with me three weeks now and I suspect he’ll finish sooner than most, not that it’ll bring him any pleasure. Nevertheless, he’s more work than I strictly have time for, but the end result will be superb. I know it will. He has the making of an absolutely breathtaking submissive. You know - he’d been sending me letters for three years, begging to be taken on, and then, when I finally allowed him a meeting - well, the potential was obvious.” He leans forward as if sharing a great secret. “His tuition is less than half what I charge most trainees, but his parent’s don’t know that. They’re rather proud people.”

Harvey raises his eyebrows in response. _What the hell does this have to do with me?_

“Anyway,” Darby continues, “that’s not what I was getting at. What did you think of his _behavior_?” He’s suddenly very serious, his tone weighted and meaningful and Harvey has the distinct impression he’s being tested. That his evaluation has just begun. 

Determined not to feel intimidated, reminding himself that they’re equals in everything but age and experience, Harvey decides to speak truthfully.

“I thought his form was just shy of terrible, but more importantly, I thought he looked completely unprepared for such a display. You were kind to be so affirming, but I don’t see where it was earned. I also question the wisdom of putting him through something he clearly isn’t prepared for.”

Darby smiles and leans back. “Yes,” he says as if agreeing to something else entirely. “I see.”

He reaches over and grabs a file off the end table. “Let’s get right down to it then.” Harvey is surprised that he skipped right past Harvey’s response. He expected his observation to be critiqued and discussed. He expected to get started on what he came here to do so he can finally have reason to relax into this hideously awkward situation.

“I very _very_ rarely do this,” Darby says as he opens the file. “But like Peter you have the makings to be exceptional at what you do. You’re already far above standard.”

“Thank you,” Harvey says cooly.

Darby nods and then continues. “I believe, had a different Sub come into your life, you would have grown into yourself organically. And while I mean no disrespect to Michael, I must say that his needs have thrown you off. I want to help you find your way back. Your future Subs will be lucky indeed.”

“ _Mike_ is my Sub,” Harvey interrupts.

Darby looks up at him over the rim of his glasses. Finally, he turns the file around and slides it across the table, pen set neatly over the elegant linen contract.

“I’d like to give you a couple hours to settle in and read this over before signing. It’s very simple in comparison to most. I ask that you be honest and forthright with me and that you complete any task I set. Having said that, I think you’ll find that my tasks are almost entirely within your control and can be completed at your own discretion.”

“How do you mean?” Harvey asks.

“For example,” Darby says without missing a beat, “I might ask you to spend an evening with a Sub and report back observations. Should I ask you to experiment with something specific, I will not predetermine how you model the scene. That’s entirely within your control.”

Harvey nods, feeling relieved.

“There is one point that I suspect you won’t like, but it is critical to my agreeing to council you. I have never worked with anyone, Dom or Sub, without this clause. If you cannot agree, you would not be the first. However I very much hope you will not join those who don’t get past the contract. Despite our past differences, I want this to work.”

Harvey feels his pulse pick up in anticipation, “What is it? What’s the clause?”

“Wouldn’t you rather review it in private?”

“No. Tell me.”

Darby cocks his head. “Should you agree to work with me, I require in writing that you understand that this is about self-improvement and the desire to be the best Dom you can be for your future Sub or Subs. Because Michael is currently your collared submissive I will want information that can help me understand what’s going wrong in your present circumstance, but should things not work out, you must agree that your work with me will not go to waste, so to speak. I’ve seen Doms and Subs put so much weight in keeping their partner, that it destroys them when things don’t go as they’d hoped.”

Harvey’s jaw clenches. “Mike is the only one that matters. Pretending he doesn’t is not an option. I wouldn’t be here except to ensure I’m the best version of myself for him.”

“Subs need their Dom to have the steadiness of a great rock in a turbulent ocean. You, I suspect, are pursuing Michael like a battleship. The difference is not lost on him. Learn to be confident in your dominance, present yourself to him and let him come to you. If he doesn’t, then you must move on.”

“I,” he bites his cheek to keep the emotion out of his voice. “I need him, and I have every reason to believe he does too.”

“Perhaps you’re right. But what kind of life do you look forward to if you remain a slave to your submissive’s every whim and insecurity. We guide, Harvey, but we can’t lead them down a path if they refuse to leave the brambles.” Darby nods when Harvey looks up at him, thin lipped and pale. “I hope you trust me enough now to believe that I wish happiness for you. But perhaps what he needs isn’t you. And perhaps what _you_ need is someone who can better appreciate what you offer. You can’t know for sure until you stop this bloody obsession and get to know yourself.”

Not able to say anything at all in the face of such brutal and unapologetic truth, he reaches out to take the contract. “I’ll think on it.”

 

_Tuesday June 17th - Berkeley, California_

When Mike wakes the next morning, what had at first been thrilling and erotic is starting to inch from pleasure to pain. He lays with one arm over his face, breathing deeply, his hand clenched beside him as he battles his own willpower not to touch. It will only make a frustrating situation worse. Summoning up enough energy he rolls out of bed and into the shower where he scrubs himself clean with a single-minded determination not to think about Harvey. 

He fails. Harvey is all that’s been on his mind since seeing him in the market. Harvey’s stupidly beautiful face and the way his biceps looked thicker than ever - like they were straining against his shirt. Or the way his skin is now golden tan and warm. It makes Mike want to burry his face in Harvey’s neck and lick, certain that something new, rich and exotic will be found there. But most of all, Mike has been fantasizing about his lips wrapped around Harvey. He gets lost in the fantasy of his Dom’s face slack and undone with pleasure. Biting his cheek Mike turns off the shower, steps out, and taps his phone to check the time. It’s just after 8am and Mike isn’t entirely sure where his next directions are meant to be. Is Harvey going to call, or text? Email, perhaps? Or will another box just show up on his doorstep? That thought makes Mike’s stomach drop. He’s not sure he can handle anything more than what he’s already enduring, but then, if Harvey asks it of him, he’ll do it.

By 8:09 there hasn’t been a call, text or email, so Mike wraps a towel around his waist and goes to check outside. Harvey is _never_ late. When he opens the door what he expects to find is another box sitting neatly in the center of his doormat, but what he finds instead is Harvey, looking stern and impatient with one arm propped against the doorframe.

“It’s about time.” 

Mike jumps back, startled, before relaxing, a smile blossoming across his face. “You’re here.”

He stands up straighter and grins, his eyes moving leisurely down Mike’s robed body and lingering at his hips. “Take that off.”

Without hesitating Mike unwraps the robe and lets it drop around his ankles. The hesitation that would have crippled him before is barely a whisper now as he stands tall and proud, letting his Dom see him for the first time in a long time.

Harvey looks at his caged cock for so long Mike blushes from cheeks to chest. When Harvey finally meets his eyes he smiles, looks behind him at the street and then back again. “A year ago you wouldn’t have wanted to do that here, where anyone can see you.”

“I’m not the same person I was a year ago,” he says confidently. “Besides, I have nothing to hide now, and frankly I don’t care what anyone thinks expect you.”

Harvey nods and crowds him into the house, shutting the door behind him. “I want you inside and ready for me. You have thirty seconds.”

The command is like a rush of blood to his head. Mike feels intoxicated and giddy and it makes him want to drop to his knees so badly he’s shaking, but he manages to turn and walk steadily back into his bedroom, Harvey only steps behind him. Once there, he rolls the command around in his head for a few seconds. Harvey wants him _ready_. It could mean many things and the bitter truth is that he doesn’t know his Dom well enough to understand what he wants. For some of the Doms he scenes with it would be as simple as kneeling and relaxed, while for another it would mean having a mouth that’s wet and ready to fuck. 

Once in his bedroom he rolls his eyes closed, clears his head of thoughts of anyone but Harvey. He turns slowly, eyes low and hooded, and sinks to his now perfected kneeling position. Harvey approaches him slowly. Once he’s so close Mike could kiss his denim covered cock without moving his lips more than an inch, his Dom reaches down and runs a hand through his hair.

“Looks like you learned a little self control.”

Mike grins but doesn’t look up. “Are you pleased with me, sir?”

“Always,” he says as his hips thrust forward just enough that Mike can place a hot open mouthed caress over his dominant’s hardness. Harvey holds Mike against him with a sigh, encouraging him to lick, suck and moan around the frustratingly clothed cock. Finally, Harvey steps back.

“On the bed.”

Mike makes a show of it as he moves up onto the duvet, curving his body rhythmically and stretching arms over head, his caged member thrust into the air before he rests his hips back to the bed slowly, knees spreading. Harvey watches all of this with a heat that makes Mike’s eyes roll back in his head with want. God, it’s been so long. _Too_ long.

Harvey approaches him slowly. “Look at you.” He separates Mike’s legs so he can stand between them and lets his eyes roam over his submissive’s body as his hands caress the new muscle definition. His breathing is labored and the subtle power of it gives Mike a dizzy rush to his head. “You’ve done an amazing job taking care of yourself, baby.” Harvey’s fingers run over his nipples and press into the firm muscles underneath. 

“It’s all for you.”

With a lazy grin, Harvey leans over and worships Mike’s torso, strong legs, and lithe arms with his lips and tongue. Finally, he stands and pulls a key from his pocket. While one hand strokes Mike’s over sensitized chest, the other fiddles with the lock. “You’ve been a good boy.”

“Thank you, sir,” he breathes.

“I planned to give you one more day of this,” he swipes a finger over the head of Mike’s caged cock. Mike hisses and his eyes clench with pain, “but you surprised me.”

“I did? How?”

“You learned your lesson early. I’m proud of you.”

Mike smiles happily and drops his head back as he feels the little lock disengage and the contraption lift away from his body. His cock swells immediately with the overwhelming freedom. Harvey watches it while stroking a hand slowly up and down his chest. When he’s fully erect Harvey bends over him and licks a long wet stripe up the underside of Mike’s cock. It’s such a simple thing. Something Harvey has done hundreds of times before. But now the pleasure is so intense that Mike’s whole body is short circuiting. His muscles twitch and his vision blurs. The sound that comes out of him is unlike anything he’s heard from himself. Harvey places Mike’s thighs over each shoulder before taking him in his mouth again and sucking. Mike shakes with pleasure as every inch of skin grows deliciously flushed and oversensitive. 

“Harvey, please,” he places a trembling hand on his Dom’s head and digs his fingers in, unsure of what he’s asking but feeling too desperately need not to beg.

Harvey slides off, lowers Mike’s legs to the bed, and moves up until they’re pressed chest to chest, his strong arms wrapped tight around Mike’s body and his lips caressing his Sub’s mouth greedily. His kiss is brutal, Harvey’s teeth pulling at his lips and his clothed hips rutting against Mike. It’s as if Harvey hasn’t heard his plea and can’t be bothered with anything but taking exactly what he wants. That makes Mike’s pulse slam against his temples even harder. He’s so turned on he can barely see through the hot fog of it. When Harvey finally reaches between them and wraps his hand around Mike’s cock, it only takes a few sloppy strokes before Mike buries his face in Harvey’s neck and comes with a scream.

As Mike catches his breath, Harvey holds him tight and lazily kisses him behind the ear. Mike exhales with a smile, his eyes fluttering closed happily. He can’t believe this is real. Harvey shifts to gather Mike closer, and that’s when Mike feels his Dom’s stiffness still confined in his tight jeans. Mike reaches down instinctively and places a hand gently on Harvey’s inner thigh, a trick he was taught so as to not come across too dominant. “May I?” he whispers, his lips moving teasingly against Harvey’s ear.

Harvey pecks him on the cheek and rolls him onto his stomach. Mike looks over his shoulder slyly, hoping this means what he thinks it means. _Aching_ for it to mean what he wants it to mean. But instead of going for his jean button, Harvey dips down, spreads Mike apart and eats him out with a vigor for which Mike can only grip the sheets, hang on, and ride.

 

An hour later Mike is laying naked across the bed, his skin dewy and fragrant with sweat and half drunk with subspace, while Harvey naps beside him. He wants to rest but the sensations of his Dom are too fascinating to let him sleep. He’s not sure if it’s the novelty of being with Harvey after so many months that makes it all so delicious. Has the sensation of intimacy dulled with time only to be enlivened again? Or has Harvey really changed? He looks different. Older in some ways, yes, but younger in others. There are little whisps of grey throughout his hair that has completely lost it’s trademark order. It’s not only his skin that’s sunkissed, his hair too has a golden glow accentuated by soft tactile waves. When Mike tucks his nose up into his Dom’s neck the scent is just as rich and intoxicating, but now it’s sweeter. There are a few more creases around his eyes but the deep worry line between his brow has smoothed out. Where Harvey used to be ritualistic about the smoothness of his jawline, he’s now rough with stubble. God, Harvey is so _beautiful._

Mike runs his eyes over his Dom’s body, itching to see the skin underneath. He’s isn’t sure what bothers him so much about Harvey not undressing. After all, he’s in his Dom’s arms again for the first time in months and Harvey just gave him three orgasms. _Three_. He should be elated. But the irritating barrier between them feels significant and suddenly Mike wants nothing more than to see Harvey come. To feel his shuddering orgasm as he sucks his Dom off. Giving head has always been pleasurable for Mike, but he rarely _craves_ it.

Initiative is one of Mike’s ‘tricky’ areas. It’s something Harvey has both praised and scolded him for, and to this day, Mike’s not sure what his Dom prefers. And to complicate things further, every Dom he’s subbed for at the club has been frustratingly varied. Some of them are incredulous at the idea of a Dom who _wouldn’t_ want a Sub who initiates, while others are downright turned off by it. Because Harvey has been simultaneously in favor and against initiation, Mike doesn’t know where he stands. If Harvey woke to Mike’s lips around his dick, what would happen? It’s a risk Mike is almost willing to take when Harvey suddenly rolls over and blinks awake.

“Hey beautiful.” It’s the same endearment Nate uses, but on Harvey’s lips it’s a million times sweeter.

“Can you stay?” Mike asks.

Harvey blinks up at the little wall clock above Mike’s dresser. “No. Not today.”

Mike has to literally bite his tongue to keep himself from asking: _Why not? Where are you going? Who are you seeing? What’s more important than me?_

“Okay.”

Harvey grins over his shoulder as he sits on the edge of the bed to lace up his shoes. When he stands and reaches for his wallet on the bedside table, Mike starts to feel desperate and feels his training start to slip. When will he come back? Can he ask? What if Mike isn’t able to find him again before Gabe…

“Harvey?”

“Yes.”

“I need to talk to you about something.”

The dom glances at him, unalarmed, despite the obvious tremors in Mike’s voice. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“You mean, right now?”

“Does it require a more formal setting. You can tell me anything, Mike, I’m here for you.” The simplicity of that promise should warm Mike, but instead it twists the guilt up inside him. 

“No, I it can be here.”

When Harvey has stuffed his things in his pockets, he turns again to Mike expectantly.

“Would you mind sitting down please, sir?”

Harvey nods and moves to sit on the little chair across from the bed. If Harvey is nervous at all about what Mike has to say, he doesn’t show it. 

“You haven’t asked why Gabriel is in San Francisco.”

“Do I need to?”

Mike bites his lip. “I just want you to know that I didn’t have anything to do with it. I didn’t invite him or anything. I didn’t even know he was here until recently.”

Harvey nods once. “Okay. I believe that.”

“Right. I mean, good. I mean,” Mike rubs his hands over his face. “Shit, why this is so hard.”

Suddenly Harvey isn’t so far away. The bed is dipping as Harvey sits beside him and takes his hands. “Mike, what is it that’s making you feel afraid to talk to me.”

Mike blinks, the truth trapped on his tongue. But he’s practicing measured honesty and this is one of his tests. “I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me when I tell you.”

Harvey nods. “Well you can’t control that can you, Mike?”

Mike lowers his eyes and shakes his head. He expected Harvey to say something comforting like - _I’ll never think badly of you sweetheart._ But then… that’s one of those sweetly stupid lies they always wove around each other, and where did that get them?

“But you can respect me by being honest, and that’s really all you need to worry about right now.”

Mike nods. “Okay,” he says. “Yeah, okay.” After a couple beats, he finally gets up the courage to say what he’s been bottling up for weeks. “I need to tell you that,” he gulps, “that I’ve been feeling attraction towards Gabriel. I’ve been thinking about him _a lot_ and it’s really freaking me out. Harvey, honestly I don’t know what to do about it because no matter how hard I try to get him out of my head he’s always there, and I’m starting to think it isn’t something that’s just going to go away even after,” he bites his lip, “well, even now that you’re here.” He looks up at Harvey and then down again. “So yeah. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

“Do you have feelings for him?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I mean, yes, he’s a friend. A really good friend, but I don’t feel for him like what I feel for you. It’s more… uhm…”

“Sexual?”

Mike blushes.

“And do you plan to do anything about this attraction?” The calmness in Harvey’s tone startles Mike. Where is his jealous and possessive Dom? Where is the thinly veiled demand to never see Gabe again?

“No.” Mike responds. “No, but it’s been really hard lately, especially with you gone.”

“I wasn’t gone voluntarily, Mike.”

That little twist of guilt feels more like a stabbing now. “I know that. But with all due respect, sir, it’s not my fault that I didn’t know where you were for two months. Or how to contact you.”

Harvey lets go of his hands and stands. “I was in England. I told you that. We discussed this in depth before I left.”

“Yeah, but it was so much longer than you said it would be and I couldn’t even _call_ you when I needed you.” The beginning of an argument is brewing but Mike doesn’t know how to stop it, nor is he sure he even wants to.

“I did what I needed to do, Mike, and I won’t apologize for it any more than I’d ask you to apologize for your own choices. If you’d really needed me, I would have known.”

“How would you have known? Do you have someone watching me?” The thought has crossed Mike’s mind once or twice, but he never thought he’d get to the point where he’d be tactless enough to accuse his Dom of spying.

Harvey’s boiling temper should be topping the charts by now, Mike’s is beginning to, but he still seems cool and collected. “Of course not. However the club will contact me if anything notable happens or there is a marked change in your emotional health. And besides, chances are you’d talk to Rachel and that would get back to me.”

“So it was okay for you to talk to Donna, but not me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” he wishes he didn’t sound whiney, but he does.

“Mike, you don’t get to know everything about my decisions.”

The bark in Harvey’s voice prompts Mike’s eyes to drop in instinctual submission. But this isn’t the fun kind of submission, the kind that comes from your Dom commanding you to roll over and spread em. This is the kind that comes from the subtle everyday reminders that, no, you don’t get to have control over everything. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. Sometimes it’s freeing, but right now it stings.

“Am I ever going to know what you were doing?”

“Perhaps. Not today.”

There’s a long silence as they observe each other. Each so precious to the other, but now with so much between them; things they don’t know or understand and that make them that much more different than they were before.

“What are you planning to do about Gabriel, Mike?”

“I don’t want to do anything about him. I want you.”

“You have me, but it’s your choice whether or not that continues, and you know it. Until then I’ll be here, but I won’t be ordering you to stay away from him unless he’s hurting you. You asked for independence, and you still have it for a couple weeks more.”

Mike flinches, “I know, but -“

“But it would be easier for you if I just took the problem away? Demanded that you don’t see him anymore, is that it? Maybe go over and threaten him?” Harvey asks with the first hint of frustration. Mike flinches. On some level he _had_ hoped Harvey would tell Gabriel to stay away so Mike doesn’t have to. 

“I’m not going to do that. You can do whatever you like within the bounds of our agreement.”

“So you’re saying that I can scene with him so long as he doesn’t fuck me? Like the Doms at the club?”

At this, Harvey’s eye twitches. “If that’s what you want, yes.”

Mike doesn’t know if that’s what he wants or not so he doesn’t say anything. “I just wanted to tell you. Someone I trust told me it would make me stronger in your eyes to admit my weaknesses, so that’s what I did. I hope I wasn’t wrong.”

With an long steadying exhale, Harvey returns to the bed and pulls Mike’s somewhat unwilling body against him. “You’re not wrong. I think it’s very admirable that you told me. I’m just trying to process.”

Mike nods against Harvey’s shirt.

“It should hardly come as a surprise that you’re attracted to other Doms, Mike. This is normal.”

“It’s never happened before. I’ve never wanted anyone but you.” In the silence that follows something occurs to Mike. “Are you attracted to other Subs?”

“Sometimes. Yes, of course I am. But it’s not the same as you.”

Mike looks up at Harvey. “See, that’s exactly how I feel. But then -”, he’s not sure what possesses him to say it out loud, but in that moment, in his Dom’s arms, the words come easily,“- I’ve never been with anyone else the way I’ve been with you.”

Harvey tenses and gently moves Mike away as he stands. “You’re absolutely right, you haven’t. I have that advantage and you don’t. So if sleeping with Gabriel is what you need to do to be sure about me, then do it.”

Mike sits up. “No, you’ve got it wrong, Harvey. I never said I wanted to sleep with Gabe. I just said… what I mean is that I wanted you to…”

“Forbid it?”

“Yes!”

“I told you I won’t be doing that. I’m not your dominant in the same way I was, Mike. Until that changes I refuse to,” he huffs with frustration when he can’t get his stupid fucking belt buckle done up, “complicate what I am to you. You can do what you like and as far as I’m concerned this can be an exception to our rule.”

“Harvey, you can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

Mike feels suddenly chilly so he wraps the throw blanket around his shoulders. “I never said I wanted _that_. Just because I’ve been tempted doesn’t mean-”

Harvey cuts him off sharply as he pushes each arm into his jacket.

“If you chose it on July 4th, I’ll go back to being the Dom who shoulders these burdens for you. You want me to make this easy on you, but you’ve made the choice to rescind that right from me. I want you to come to me without a shadow of a doubt, Mike. If you can’t do that, then it’s not worth it to me.” His eyes go suddenly dark. “Otherwise, _you’re_ not worth it to me.” The words send a sick chill through Mike’s body as he shrinks under the utter truthfulness in his Dom’s hard look. “You won’t be disobeying me if you do what you need to do to be sure. Now. I need to go.” Before leaving Harvey turns as if forgetting something and comes right up to Mike. Bending over he looks sternly at Mike, analyzing him almost, before taking his jaw firmly in one hand and kissing him. It’s not passionate, but it still sends a pleasurable lick up Mike’s spine. Without another word Harvey releases him and leaves without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I told you I still had some drama up my sleeves! Can you handle it?_
> 
> _Thanks to everyone for the incredibly warm welcome back - it's been great hearing from my readers. You do more than just keep me motivated, you inspire me. No really, you do. I don't care if it's sappy. Oh, and can I also say hello to all my guy readers! I'm so excited to know you're out there and loving the series!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Thank you for your patience, dear readers. You are truly the best a writer could hope for. If I have't responded to your comments yet, fear not, I will get back to each and every one of you!_
> 
> _Enjoy._

Wednesday, June 18th - Berkeley, California

It isn’t until the next day while Mike is hunched over a computer at the Berkeley library, that the magnitude of what Harvey had said really sinks in. _Not worth it_. Harvey said Mike might not be _worth it_. 

Over the past year, there hasn’t been a single day when Mike has imagined that Harvey wouldn’t take him back in July. Sure, he wanted to be the best version of himself for his Dom, to prove that he’s worth moving forward with, that he’s worth everything they’ve been through. But Mike has never really saw it as a test to pass. Harvey was always going to be there with open arms regardless of Mike’s flaws, just like he’s always been. That’s just what Harvey does. Right? For the first time, as he stares at a blinking curser, Mike feels the magnitude eight shift in their relationship. 

If this had happened a year ago, or hell, even six months ago, he probably wouldn’t have been able to handle it. With the time and distance Harvey hasn’t done _exactly_ what he feared, although it feels like it in some terrified and weak corner of Mike’s psyche. Harvey hasn’t realized that Mike isn’t worth keeping, but he has realized that Mike has the potential to be. That Mike is teetering on the edge of _not fucking worth it_. And if he hadn’t been in training for ten months to teach himself about self sacrifice and true submission, Mike probably would be loosing his shit right about now. 

His hands are shaking a little bit as he holds them over the keys. Come to think of it, maybe he is losing his shit. His training teaches him to roll his shoulders back and submit to what he can’t control, which at this moment is the inability to force reassurance from Harvey. He has a life to keep living for a couple more weeks. 

As he stares blankly at the computer screen a little (1) appears next to the INBOX tab on his email server. Clicking open the tab he finds the email he’s been waiting for. With a smile of excitement he clicks open the confirmation email and scrolls through his list of fall semester courses, all of which are exactly what he’d hoped for. Now able to push Harvey to the back of his mind for a few hours, he takes a mental snapshot of the professor’s names. Most he’s already familiar with but one he hasn’t heard of.. 

He opens another tab in his browser and pulls up the Berkeley Law faculty list. As he’s scrolling, his chin propped on one hand, he catches something out of the corner of his eye. Sitting up, he drags the window up again until he gets to the column of departmental news alerts. Underneath, “ _STANDOUT : Berkeley Law student nominated as student regent_ ” is this - “ _EAST COAST PERSPECTIVE : 2015 welcomes top New York corporate attorney for a seminar series on business litigation and patents_ ”. Mike quickly clicks on the link and searches the short article for a name, but there’s nothing. No hint of who the lecturer will be.

Sure, it could be Harvey, but it could be anyone. New York is bursting at the seams with great corporate attorneys, and who’s to say that just because Harvey seems to have temporarily relocated, means that he’s staying? That he - Mike can’t help but grin like a fool - that he’s rearranging his life to suit Mike’s education? He takes a snapshot of the article and sends it to Harvey with a question mark. A couple minutes later he gets this simple response: 

_H: You don’t need it. Don’t waste your time on that course._  
M: You know what I’m asking, Harvey!  
H: Do I?   
H: Be good and stop trying to figure out what’s going to happen next. You should know better than that. 

With a groan, Mike pushes his phone away and smiles stupidly at the concerned looking freshman sitting next to him. 

 

With this new suspicion, Mike is feeling once again optimistic in his relationship with Harvey, so when Gabriel texts him to run the next morning, he accepts. 

“I thought you wouldn’t want to come,” Gabriel says out of breath. They’re leaning against the wall of a taqueria and guzzling water. For the most part June has been mild, but today the sun is beating down. 

“Why not?”

Gabriel shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, I know we’re just friends, and _you_ know we’re just friends, but I assumed Harvey wouldn’t want you spending time with me. At least, not alone.” 

Mike looks away and squints into the blinding California sun.

“Actually, he said the opposite.”

“Really?”

Mike nods and shrugs, not ready to tell the whole truth. “He wants me to live my own life, and right now you’re part of it.”

Gabriel beams. 

“But that doesn’t mean things won’t change after July 4th,” Mike clarifies.

“So you’re decided then?”

“Of course I am. I was decided before I moved here. If I’d been thinking rationally I would have done it all differently to begin with.”

They stand awkwardly together, both of them thinking back to the advise Gabriel had given him almost two years ago.

“Would you really have? Done it all differently I mean?”

Mike glances up at Gabe. At the gentle and understanding expression on his face. This is the Dom who has believed in him. He hasn’t necessarily believed in him _more_ than Harvey, but differently. He thinks Mike can be anything he wants to be on his own merit. And sure, Harvey believes that too, but he also thinks Mike _needs_ him. 

Which he does.

Right?

“Let’s run back before it gets so hot I give up and hail a cab,” Mike jokes. 

They smile through the awkward tension settling between them and take off toward Mike’s house. 

All the way home Mike thinks about Harvey. Harvey, who he loves so much it hurts. This love isn’t what he felt in the beginning, and not at all what he imagined growing up. It’s like something inside him is all knotted up and he’s not sure how to untangle it. Seeing him again, holding him, feeling their skin slick together, made the insistent tugging stop for awhile. But it hasn’t been enough. It’s as if his very being knows they’re not so intimately tied as they once were, and aches to be reunited again.

And Mike wants that. He does. He really really does.

But no matter how sure he is of Harvey, something aggressively selfish inside him keeps sabotaging his hard work and best intentions. Something that was seeded in him way back when he chose to go at it alone in this world rebels against the forever promise Mike is preparing for. A shameful little voice in his head keeps saying - _Really? Are you sure that’s the best you can do?_ And no matter what Mike does he can’t seem to shut it the fuck up.

They’re laughing when they finally come to a stop inside Mike’s front door. 

“For fuck’s sake, that was more than I’m used to. I can’t believe I made it back.” Gabriel clutches at his side and grimaces. “How do you do it. God, I need to sit down.” He sinks to the floor and wipes at his face with the hem of his shirt. Unlike Mike, or even Harvey for that matter, Gabe is covered in a layer of soft dark hair that Mike finds a little distracting when he’s sparsely clothed like this. He has a rustic physique and unselfconscious dominance that stirs something primal in Mike. 

“Can I take a shower?” he asks as he pulls off his shirt. Mike looks away.

“Of course. It’s through my room.”

“Cool. Thanks.”

Mike watches him walk away through the corner of one eye and then feels like shit for doing it, so he takes himself into the kitchen to blend something green to drink. As punishment he leaves out the banana.

A little while later, as they sit together at Mike’s kitchen table, Gabriel take a final swallow of the smoothie and shakes his head. “You know in my family we eat pork and beans fried in lard to polish off physical activity.”

“Yeah well, I’m trying to take better care of myself,” Mike says with a smirk.

Gabriel lets his eyes wander down Mike’s body before diverting them back to the now empty glass. “I bet Harvey was glad to see the new and improved you.”

Mike nods. “He was.”

In the silence that stretches between them it becomes achingly clear that this isn’t a one sided struggle. Gabriel might seem unaffected by Mike’s attachment, but there’s something there, and Mike is beginning to see the unfairness of it all.

“I should probably get to work,” Gabriel says finally, looking up at the wall clock above the stove. “Can we do something again soon? Maybe a movie or something?” 

Mike smiles encouragingly and nods. “Yeah, of course. See ya soon Gabe.”

 

Mike uses his safeword at the BayClub for the first time that night, and it’s for such a stupid reason. 

Kate is a serious calculating Dom who Mike sees only rarely, but when he does it’s one of the more intense and challenging of his club scenes. Although there are no rules against Mike’s genitalia being touched, it still feels wrong sometimes to have someone else’s hand down there. Kate likes to tie Mike up and stroke him off while slowly increasing some kind of pain stimulant. Usually a nipple clamp or a light caning to his thighs. She talks as little as possible and always seems put out if Mike doesn’t come at the end of it. But she never forces him and never gives him anything but positive encouragement. All in all Kate is a good Dom. It’s just that she’s too clinical for him. It’s like he’s being tested and evaluated and despite being called a good boy, he never feels like he’s all that good at all. But he’s learning about submission, and a big part of that is not only being in situations you don’t have control over, but learning to be content in your partner’s satisfaction. So maybe it’s that he just wishes Kate seemed to get a little more satisfaction from _him_. I mean, she must be getting something out of it. She keeps requesting new scenes. 

This time isn’t unusual. In fact, it isn’t even that intense. When Mike finds out he’s with Kate, he’s not excited, but then he never is. Nevertheless, he’s not nervous or anxious going in. He feels fine. He’s relaxed and if anything, pleasantly distracted by thoughts of Harvey.

It happens when they’re about ten minutes into the scene. Mike is bent forward over a spanking bench, tied by the wrists only, while Kate sits beside him. She’s pulling him off with a slick hand while the other applies pinches to the tender skin between his thighs. It doesn’t even hurt yet and his dick is just starting to fill out from the stimulation. But the thing is that in this position his hair is hanging down into his face and tickling as it moves with the breeze from the air conditioner. He tries not to look distracted as he shakes his head a little to shift the strands, but it doesn’t work. 

“Need help?” Kate asks softly. 

“Do you mind tying back my hair, please ma’am?” He feels sort of stupid asking, but there’s no way he’s going to be able to concentrate on his orgasm like this. If he’s read her right, then reaching climax is way more important than his disrupting the flow of the scene.

“Of course not.” She kneels up and gathers his hair back from around his face. “I don’t have a tie,” she muses softly before seeming to come to a solution. And then, as if it’s nothing at all, she twists his hair, lifts up his collar, and tucks it under.

“Red.”

It all happens so fast Mike barely has time to register what he’s said before Kate has a hand firmly on his back while the other reaches to press the little black pager he’s never paid much notice to before now.

“Mike, I’m going to untie you, but you need to tell me if there’s anything you need me to do first.”

Mike shakes his head, blinking. “No. I mean, no, you don’t have to stop. I don’t know why I said red.”

Kate pauses and then reaches down to unlock his wrists. She eases him to a kneeling position.

“Do I have your permission to walk to the other side of the room?”

Mike nods, confused. 

She goes to a nearly invisible seam in the wall where the toy closet is. There she pulls open a drawer and takes out a blanket, which she brings back to wrap around Mike’s shoulders. 

“Someone should be getting your Dominant on the phone.” She smiles and puts a gentle hand on his thigh.

Mike wraps himself up in the blanket, feeling stupider by the second. Did he really just safeword for having his hair touched? Where did that come from? He shakes his head. “Kate, no really, it was a mistake. I didn’t mean to safeword out. You weren’t doing anything to upset me, I promise.”

Her eyes narrow. “I’m glad I wasn’t upsetting you. But -“ Just then the door opens and two submissive employees come in.

“Would you be more comfortable having me or Lily and Ryan here take you to the private lounge?”

Mike looks back and forth between them, feeling even _more_ ridiculous if that’s possible. “Uhm, you’re fine.”

The two Subs nod and leave. Kate puts her blazer on and offers to help Mike back into his clothes before they walk down the hall to a small sitting room. It has a full cozy looking couch, an end table with a phone, dim lighting and a speaker somewhere playing that weird zen music they use in massage parlors.

Mike sits down and pulls his legs up under him. Kate glances at the phone and then back to Mike. “It looks like your Dom is on hold. Would you like someone to stay here with you, or would you rather be alone to talk?

Mike looks at the blinking light on the phone. “Alone.”

“Well if you need me, or anyone else, we’ll be waiting. Just push the front desk button on the phone and it will ring us. Does that sound okay?” He nods.

She squeezes his knee and then leaves, closing the door softly behind her. Mike looks around the room and then back to the phone.

What the fuck just happened? 

If it isn’t weird enough that Mike blurted out a safeword for what was possibly the least threatening thing that’s ever happened to him, then the sheer volume of talking he and Kate engaged in - more than all their other scenes combined - is enough to make this all seem too surreal. The blinking light catches his attention again so he picks up the receiver.

“Harvey?”

“Hey sweetheart.” His voice is calm and even. Not at all panicked. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m completely fine. Everyone is taking this so seriously. I mean, I tried to tell her that it was an accident but she -“

“Why don’t you tell me what happened.”

Even though Mike suspects the club has already debriefed Harvey, he gives him the play-by-pay anyway. Harvey hums along to show he’s listening. 

“I’m so proud of you,” he says when Mike has finished describing how weird it was when she gave him a shock blanket.

“Why?”

“You’re learning to use your safeword when you feel uncomfortable. You didn’t overthink it and talk yourself down. That’s excellent, Mike.”

“But I wasn’t uncomfortable. I was totally fine until she -“

“Until she touched your collar?”

“Yeah.” Mike blinks a couple times. “Oh.”

“You don’t like your collar touched. That’s something we should have told them from the beginning. You wouldn’t have been in this situation if I’d thought through your triggers better.”

“But it wasn’t… it wasn’t like last time.” There’s an awkward silence as they both think back to that horrible night. 

“I know. But you knew your limits and protested instinctively when they were crossed, however unintentionally. And that’s exactly what you should do.”

“Yeah, but you don’t like it when I use my safeword.” As soon as he says it he feels a little pang of guilt. If there’s one thing he’s learned over the past year it’s that a good Dom doesn’t make their Sub afraid to use their safeword. And it’s not that Harvey did that, exactly. He just shared his own fears and insecurities about his ex and how Scottie misused and manipulated him. And in his own inexperienced way, that meant never saying stop. 

He hasn’t seen Harvey in a while, but Mike would put money on the fact that his Dom knows better now. 

“I understand why you think that. It’s one of my greatest failings with you. But if we move forward together that’s going to change. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to be alone tonight or would you rather I be with you?”

“I want you,” he says without hesitating. 

“Okay. I’ll try to be at your door before you get home. The club will put you in a taxi.”

 

When Mike pulls up to his house with the club blanket still around his shoulders, he looks sheepishly at Harvey as he walks up the drive. 

“I still feel stupid about all of this. I didn’t even get to apologize to Kate. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Harvey puts an arm around him and leads them both to the door. He takes Mike’s key and opens up. 

“I think she understands. You can call tomorrow and arrange to meet with her if it will help you get some closure.”

Mike nods. “Yeah, I think I should.”

Together they go about getting ready for bed. It’s so normal and easy that he can’t help but smile like a fool around his toothbrush while Harvey puts away Mike’s dishes in the kitchen. They still fit together like nothing has changed. Regardless of the pieces of them that are shaped a little differently, they’re still a match, and that feels good. Mike crawls naked into bed and snuggles sleepily against Harve. 

“I missed this.”

Harvey sighs. “Me too. You have no idea.”

Mike presses his lips to Harvey’s shoulder. “Does it bother you? Thinking about me at the club?”

“It used to. Still does sometimes. But I appreciate what they do and I know you’re safe.”

Mike nods. “I am. But. Do you think maybe… now that you’re here, do I really need to keep going?”

“You absolutely do.”

“Why? Why can’t I just be with you?”

Harvey tenses. “We’ve been over this, Mike. Until you make a firm commitment to me, I need you to keep some distance. Me coming here early was unwise-“

Mike shakes his head, his eyes wide with the earnest desire to assure Harvey he’s wanted.

“-but when I found out how many times you asked for me while I was away. Well, I just couldn’t not come to you.”

Mike smiles and leans up for a kiss, which he’s awarded. “Thank you.”

The silence that follows is so long Mike thinks Harvey has fallen asleep. “What was the scene? From earlier. What was she doing with you?”

Mike licks his lips. “I thought you didn’t like to hear specifics.”

“I don’t, you’re right. Stupid question.”

Mike scoots up and whispers in Harvey’s ear. “I doesn’t matter. None of it has ever been as good as how you make me feel.”

He turns to look at him. “Never?”

Mike pretends to think and then shakes his head. “Just being held by you gets me harder than any of them.”

Harvey nearly rolls his eyes. “You’ve learned to flatter me so well, baby.”

Mike shakes his head. “No. It’s not flattery, it’s true.” He leans in and presses his open mouth to Harvey’s. “I close my eyes and think of you to get through it. Every time.” 

At this Harvey moans and rolls into Mike. His tongue strokes against him with an intoxicatingly lazy heat that curls the arousal in Mike’s belly. He hooks a leg over Harvey’s hip and finds his Dom’s hardness, thick and hot, to rub against. With a groan Harvey gently rolls Mike to his back, away from him, and reaches down to stroke him with his hand. 

“Let me feel you,” Mike protests.

“Not tonight.”

_“Please.”_

Harvey shushes him and bites him gently at the neck as he strokes a finger over the head of Mike’s cock, and then down the underside until his eyes roll back and he can’t think about anything but coming. 

“Lube?” Mike offers gently when the stimulation starts to chafe, but Harvey just shakes his head and moves down his body to finish him with his mouth. Mike comes with a lip biting groan. And it’s good. But not good enough. 

His fingers itch to touch his Dom and it’s really starting to get to him that he can’t.

**Author's Note:**

> _Soooo... it's been a year you guys. And to all of you who left sweet pleading reviews asking for this story, I was only ignoring you due to my own deep shame. If you're curious, the hiatus was due to these factors - 1) I have spent the last year doing an intensive master's program abroad which sucked all of my time. 2) I was living in London and having too much fun soaking up the city and all the British men, what can I say? Sorry, not sorry. 3) If I'm honest with you ladies (are there any gents out there?), this story has been the most frustrating to write and I've been in a perpetual state of writers block. I'm just not sure how to wrap this all up for our boys in a way I'm happy with. HOWEVER, I promise to finish this and I will!_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  _Lots of love,_  
>  Poppy  
> 


End file.
